The World is Spinn'in

I went to the lake yesterday with my boyfriend's family for the fourth of July. He got burnt, I got tan. I didnt think I got much of a tan but we stopped by my dads before going in search of a firework watching spot. When I changed I realized I had a perfect bikini top tan. haha. Two triangles of white. Laughing I scampered outside and ran up to my boyfriend who was waiting by the garage.
"Wan'na see something funny?" he shrugged and said "Sure." I pull up my T-shirt "How cool is that?!" I think it cheered him up.
So we had found this spot earlier that would have been awesome for fireworks. Unfortunatly, we werent the only ones that thought so. There werent too many people when we got there, but the set up of porta-potties and a hand washing station didnt bode well. Plus it was misserably hot, we were tiered, and we had watched fireworks the night before in Anderson. So we opted out and went to a movie instead. Just a tip, dont spend the money to see the new Transformers movie in theaters. It was two and a half hours of not so great. I fell asleep twice. Apparently skipping the fireworks was a wise choice. I geuss they had some sort of accident with one of the fireworks going off early and stopped the show for like twenty minutes.
So, Im going to be honest. I have been doing aweful at my happiness project so far. I havent been exercising, and I think I've been eating worse than ever. I had taco bell a little bit ago. There is absolutly nothing there without meat, cheese or sour cream. I didnt eat anything meaty but I did eat something cheesy. Taco Bell sounds awesome when you've consumed a lot of cheap beer.
Im stressed out and not very happy. I need to get my shit together. Why waste your time being unhappy? So I am definatly going on a run tonight, despite being sleep deprived, cranky, stressed, and not having enough time to finish all my homework and do something healthy. I think its something that I have to make the time for, its important. I felt ridiculously fat at the lake yesterday. I know that Im not overweight or anything. But not so long ago I was in amazing shape. A yoga guru, running everyday, I was always full of energy and could bounce back from anything. Now? I run not as often and definatly not as far and I dont do yoga at all.  I always feel tired and drained. The smallest of things make me exhausted. I need to change my life around. Have I been acting like the person I want to be? Definatly not. Im cranky and tired so Im bitchy and get my feelings hurt ridiculously easy. I feel sorry for my boyfriend, he gets the brunt of these childish outbursts.
Right. So, I need to finish my homework, go to work, go for a run and get to bed by ten. wake up at six and go for a run do some yoga go for a walk. get the fuck outside man. Re connect with the important stuff do homework, and go to work. Repeat.

And So We Begin

Today is the official start of my Happiness Project. To be totally honest I didnt even know it until about five minutes ago when I checked the date...I thought that June had thirty one days. Seriously, at work last night I was wondering if today or tomarrow would be July first so I said that little rhyme about the months, apparently I got it wrong:
Thirty days have Sempember, April, May and November All the rest have thirty one, except for February which has twenty eight.
Its actually supposed to go :
Thirty days have September, April, June and November All the rest have thirty one, except for February
It has another line about leap years, but I just dont see the point.
Since I havent posted in a while I'll just do a quick review of the past week or so.

1st ) I went to my sister's birthday party down in Chico and woke up the next morning outside on a blow up matress with a wicked hangover.

2nd) I never got a call back from my interview at Bank of America, so I geuss thats a no go. what a bummer

3rd) I went to the lake with my boyfriends family and tried to wake board. I got my ass out of the water but then would quickly do a face plant. I dont think I have ever had that much water up my nose before.

4th) I started trying to find a job in Santa Rosa for the move down there in October.

And that brings us to today. July, month one
The month of July in all about Energy

1.       Energy

·         Healthy Eating

·         Exercise

·         Act like the person you want to be

·         Sleep and Wake Up

·         Cleanliness. Be Organized

·         Finish tasks

Ok, to be fair, I didnt know it was the first day until rather recenlty. But I have been doing alright with the eating healthy part. I had a salad when I woke up. Weird I know, but where is breakfast defined as pancakes, cerel, or eggs? Plus, I bought this huge container of salad and I am determined to eat it all before Sunday. Salad goes bad so quickly. What the shit was I thinking?
As for the exercise part I am currently on my fourth day of doing nothing but sitting inside, doing homework on my laptop, and watching TV episodes of "Anthony Bourdain, No Reservations" on Netflix. I lead an eventful life. At least Rizzoe (my bad attitude chihuahua) likes these life choices. I think she sleeps for 90% of the day. She wakes up every once in a while to hump her teady bear, which used to be a valentines present, eat the cat's food (she refuses to eat her own) or sun bath by the window.
I know that I was wanting to go the gym four times a week, but that would mean renewing my gym membership. Seeing as that would mean paying for about fourth months of back fees and an opening fee I cant do that. Im waaaay too poor, I can hardly afford gass before my next pay check. I only have sixty dollars in my bank account and over a week before I get my next check. Im so pooor, not like I mind too much, I pride myself at being good at being poor. Its a skill set.
But I do want to start working on my uper body. I have a seriously bad case of spagetti arms, crap.
I geuss that means Im going to have to roll off the couch and go for a run, and do some yoga. Im pumped man, can hardly wait.
"Act like the person you want to be?" I think tonight at work will be an excellent training zone on this one. When Im at work I have about an hour of being happy, energetic and personable. And then I check the clock and see that its only been an hour and I immediatly feel drained and tiered and misserable. Shit! speaking of which I need to find someone to cover my shift tonight, my moms having a pary. ....alright well, I sent a text out to see if anyone can take it.
Off to a bad start on the wake up early and go to bed early front. I went to bed past midnight last night and woke up at around nine this morning. I honestly dont like waking up late. It makes me feel like a bum, I mean, its a waste of, maybe, the best time of the day. Morning is really magical time. The air is cool and dewy. Almost like it went to sleep too, and woke up new, still a little wet from birth. Its quiet out, with the occasional car door slamming closed at the hand of the early commuter. And the light is gentle and quiet. Its a peaceful time.
Cleanliness is bombing. My room is a mess. the house is a mess, I am a mess.
"Finish tasks?" Im doing pretty good, took my car in, fixed my bank account...in need to make another to do list.
Ok so today I am going on a two mile run, doing yoga for one hour, doing some core workouts, cleaning my house, walking Rizzoe (she really needs to get out more, maybe it will help her social skills?) doing homework, and going to mi madres part'ay.

Educate me

Once again, I hate my history class. I really just want to pass. Im fine with being mediocre. Whats wrong with traveling in the middle of the pack? The middle is where most of the population is right, I mean someone has to be there. I was at Auto Lube or Pumping Pistons, its some sort of mildly uncomfortable name you pause for a second after saying it with a mental "wha?" I know that your supposed to just pull the car up to the front of the shop but for some reason whenever I drive into this place I have a minor anxiety attack. I am not a regular, I dont know what Im doing, I dont want to make a spectacle, I do not have the confidence to pull up to the front of an oil change shop... you have to admit thats a little pathetic. So I always pull my car waaay to the side into the very corner and pop out the door feigning a wide eyed ignorance. "What? You mean I dont have to park?" So after the key exchange with a less than enthusiastic technician I scurried into the small waiting room and slumped down into a scratchy old chair. The View is blaring loudly from an old mounted TV. Woopie is talking about the difference between an white person and a black person when they hear a noise in the house at night...how do these people make so much money talking about nothing and bickering over how to reprimand your children? Like, who gives a shit?
The girl behind the counter is cute. Shes not really behind the counter. She runs around going from inside to outside. She has a braid, shes tall, skinny. I look down at myself. Im wearing a pair of old jean shorts that are getting a little tight, depressing, and my boyfriends light  green Led-Zepplin shirt complete with blood stains dribbled down the front. I wonder what those are from? I contemplate the possible accidents that would have caused the stains and am interrupted by the girl behind the counter.
"What are you studying?"
I look around to make sure shes talking to me, there is nobody else inside so I answer "History 17A." she asks me if its a certain teacher, but its not and I launch into a speech about how ridiculous the class is and how all the information on the quizes from one chapter is actually in the next. She told me about how you can go to google books and find the text book with previews of the chapters, and if you look up key words it will bring you right to the information! How awesome is that?!
I have been very productive today. go me. I went to the bank, got my oil changed, picked up my dog, and now Im working on homework. I should be working on homework, instead Im blogging. Oh! I found this blog called Pretty Birdie Brown. I think thats what its called. Its like a fashion blog. I seriously am too poor to be fashionable, but its pretty to look at.

Fake Cheese on Not so Fantastic Crackers

Hit a bit of a hurdling block in my Happiness Project. New bad habit that I have been fostering : Whenever I drink with my boyfriend we start out having a really good time and then 'bam' I start going off on some personal issue I'm having. It is probably one of the most pathetic and self indulgent things I have ever done on a regular basis.
Its actually pretty funny. I just suddenly become obessesed with a problem and start blubbering to him and repeating myself. Terribly embarassing, just terrible.
Last nights issue of chioce was "I have no friiiiiends!" hiccup hiccup, tear tear. In all honesty it really is something that Im pretty upset about. All of my good friends are in other states and getting married and having lives that I dont play any part in. And I am absolulty aweful at making new friends. In fact, making new friends and keeping in touch with old ones are both on the list of my Happiness Project.
But last night was an epic fail on the "No Dumping" tab on my list. Do not dump your personal issue shit on your boyfriend like a deranged drunken freak show. Which is exactly what I did, and sadly enough have been known to do frequently in the past. For the most part I only do it after a large intake in alcohol which is probably even worse. Sets a bad sort of precedent, like: "Angie is an emotional drunk and really no fun to be around" which is made even worse becasue its true. Its the weirdest thing. I never have been before. ever. But latley every time I drink and I am around my boyfriend I lose it, in a major way. In an embarassing clinging to an arm, snotty nose, blubbering incoherantly way. This is something that needs to change, immediatly. Its not one that I can "work on and make better" it just needs to desist as of now, implemented immediatly.
On a brighter note I got my health log journal today. Im pretty stoked about it. And I have been running a lot more often again. Hooray for me.
I think I can make it up to him tonight. Sorry for jumping back to the 'drunken mess' topic but Im a little bit preoccupied with it. Right. I will definatly give an awesome apology. Im thinking its lap dance time, who doesnt like a nice apologetic lap dance? Lots of people probably, but Im still going with it. Its on like Donkey Kong ;P

Soothing to the Skin

I have been super busy the last week. Taking three summer classes and working might have been a little much for me. I mean, people sometimes take like five classes during the summer and work full time (I am taking three and working part time). But I just dont have the work ethic for that. My moto is to put in as little work as possible. I'd rather go to the lake.
Really its just one class thats giving me a lot of trouble. 'History 17A' is another name for the devil. I hate this class. The chapters are ridiculously long and even more boring, there are about twelve other side chapters to read, and its just so god damn boring. boring boring boring.
But, following through is part of my Happiness Project so, lets follow through shall we.
I have a sun burn. The first of the year, its sort of an annual event. Sunburns suck. They are prickly and tender and you have to walk awkwardly so your thighs dont touch...well I do anyway. To all those out there who dont, well screw you you well proportioned assholes. Hmm, that was not nearly as satifying to say as I thought it would be. I take it back. Enjoy the blessings of the circumferense of your thighs, color me jealous.
I went to the river with my boyfriend for a couple hours yesterday. He went fishing and I sat on a rock in a bright pink bathingsuit, armed myself with a blue highlighter and tried to get through a chapter of my history book. My mission was unsuccesful and I came out of it with an unhappy pink sunburn and a run-in with a sea serpent. Actually just a snake, but sea serpent sounds a lot more immpressive. It wouldnt really be a sea serpent either, more like a river monster. Anyway, we rode our bikes down the rivertrail, jumped off under the pedestrian bridge and made out way to the water.
Or, more acuratly, my boyfriend jumped off his biked and ditched me, running to the rivers edge like a toddler at the playground who caught sight of the swing set. I muttered to myself and tied the bikes up. 10:30 in the morning and sweat was already trickling down my neck. I have no idea how he got to the water so quickly there were big grey unneven boulders everywhere. It took me a good ten minutes to reach him but to be fair I had on a pair of pink floral grandma slip ons. By the time I did make it to the same rock as him, sweating and panting like an overweight kid in gym class, he was packing up and moving down river. "I'm just gonna find a flat rock and study alright." I said. He nodded and answered "Alright I'm probably going to move around a lot, I'll check in on you." With that he turned and started navigating through the rocks balancing a tackle box and fishing pole in his arms.
About an hour and half later I was in a hot sweaty heap scowling at my history book and re reading paragraphs in an atempt to absorb some small amount of information that must be hidden inside, when I heard a strange disturbance in the flow of the water. The Sacramento river is big and loud. And where I was sitting there were a couple shallow rocks turning the flow of water into a sort of repetative musical beat. I sat up and looked around, in the shallows about three of four feet away from me something was moving around under the water. Was that a fish? That was a weird ass looking fish. All the same I got really excited and leaned foreward to see better. Something flung out of the water and clung desperatly to a small bush hanging over the rivers edge. "Snake!" I shouted scrambling back from it. It was big. "Snake, snake, theres a snake!" I called out excited and scared at the same time. I like snakes, honest. I like boas and what not. I like peoples pet snakes with their beady eyes and glass cages. I do not like large, wild, unidentified snakes jumping out of the water at me.
It wasnt moving. It was just draped there over the branches. I couldnt see most of it, it was hidden in the bush. I could only see a couple loops of it's body and the tip of it's tail still drifting in the water. I started to feel a little silly. It wasnt really that close to me and it seemed really exhausted...still no movement. Was it dead? Then I heard my boyfriend distantly calling
"Angie?! something something something." Well crap he sounded worried. After a couple minutes he came scrambling over the boulder next to me out of breath and looked around.
"Oh hey. So theres a snake." I pointed to its lifeless body sheepishly and tried to act cool. "I was really worried" he said
 "I heard you screaming 'snake snake'" he immitates me and waves his arms around his head. "I thought you were being attacked or something."
 "Nope, just uhh...nope not being attacked. Sorry I scared you." We both go silent and stare at the snakes body for a while. It still hasnt moved.
"Looks like a rattler" he says. I didnt know that they could swim but he tells me they can. That is not a comforting thought. We stare at it a while longer and I ask
"Is he ok?"
"Yeah" he replies "Hes just tierd, that waters cold."
My boyfriend went back to fishing and in theory I went back to studying, but actually I just kept stareing at the snake. After a long time he slowly started to move. He was even bigger than I had thought. Loop after loop of scaly skin appears and then dissapears until hes gone.
Hes, gone. Where the shit did that thing go? I keep looking around me feeling paranoid. Suddenly everything is a place to hide a toothy reptial. There are deep crevasses all around me, small shrubs, hollowed out corners. Its time to go.
In the end my boyfriend caught a pretty rainbow trout and let it go. I never did finish the chapter of my book, and I need some aloe vera.

Hard Pretzels

So it looks like I'm getting a pretty good head start on the first month of my Happiness Project, "Energy." Yesterday I went through my closet, my dresser, and my bookshelf and ended up with three big black trash bags full of things to donate to good will. It. Was. Awesome.
Who knew that getting rid of things was so liberating? Well practically every other infomertial dedicated to space savers. And I think that the 'home helpers' or organization experts or whatever you call them probably have a pretty good idea that getting rid of things that you neither want nor use is practical. I hold onto things for a number of reasons. (1) I buy almost anything that is a good deal. "A five dollar pair of pants! Im sure Ill use it eventually." (2) Hand-me-downs are totally rad. (3) I like to shop (4) I never turn down a freebie.
Speaking on buying clothes there is this dress on modcloth.com that I am in love with.



 I also watched the entire third season of The Guild yesterday, maybe not the most productive use of my time but that show is hillarious. Okie Dokie, Ill try and post something a little bit more entertaining soon. My dad is making me an omlet out of instand eggs, and vegitarian chili haha.

Your a Liar

Well crap. I just typed a whole bunch into a new post, then I went into another tab to check on my email but when I came back to this one I hit the exit button by accident. I geuss I remember most of what I typed and could just do it again, but I'm too lazy for that.
Im feeling really guilty for lying to my boyfriend about checking in on the cats. Honestly, it seemed like one of those things that you should just lie about,  but communication and being myself are sort of two big points on my list. I should come clean. I mean the cats are fine, no harm no foul. But that sort of makes a person think "Well, sure you can tell him the truth and thats just dandy. But what if one of the cats had succum to starvation. Hugh you little liar? What then?" Hmm, I probably would have held that I had been going to feed them, but never really saw either cat at all. And that would be a complete lie. But it definintely sounds better than "Oh yeah, you know when I told you that I had been checking in on your cats and they were doing just fine? Ha! Well, funny story. I tooootally lied to you on that one okie dokie? Oh, and by the way, your cat is dead." I mean, on review of the options the lie looks increadibly more appealing.
This isnt even the first time I almost killed his cat, which is even worse. He had told me a couple times to always shut his door becasue the cat would go into his room, bust the screen, and run around on the roof. This cat is a Munchkin, which is like a weinner cat, it is declawed and, needless to say, an indoor kitty.

So one day I was browsing the web on his computer and the cat was looking out the window. I heard a weird noise, looked up and there was the cat looking at me from the other side of the window. "Hey! kitty kitty! come back here!" I called, and in response the cat let out a signature wail like meow and scampered away across the roof. I froze in position, my arms outreached towards the window and my mouth open crookedly. My boyfriend walked back into the room and I sat back down quickly, looking at the fan on the ceiling. "Umm, hey you." I muttered. I left without telling him about the escape. Why I didnt tell him I have no idea, maybe an instilled childhood fear of getting in trouble. When I came back the next day I said "Hey wheres Jinx? I havent seen her around in a while, thats weird." He shruged and repied "I dont know, shes probably hiding out somewhere."

I was riddled with guilt. The cat had fallen to its death, the cat had died from heat exhaustion, the cat had been attacked by an eagle, the cat was dead. then the next day I came inside the house and was greeted with a "Mauuuuuw." I ruffled its head, tickled its chin and clung to it in near tears. I didnt kill you! I thought triumphantly.

So, I should probably come clean about both incidents.

Get Happy

So this Happiness Project that I have decided to do seems to be working. Its interesting since its almost like Im not necessarily doing things drastical different, Im simply more aware of what Im doing and what I want to be doing. On of my goals is to "act like the person you want to be" Ive decided that I will officially start this Happiness Experience the first of July, since I only started planning after the begining of the month and I want to have a month to concentrate on each thing. I borrowed a lot of the the ideas Gretchen already had done herself in "The Happiness Project" but they are different for each person so I dont feel like a copy-cat... well a little bit. I'll past the definition version of my list.

Happiness Project

1.       Energy

·         Healthy Eating – I was a vegan for a long time and recently have not been following these morals and values the way that I would like to. Also, I have some different views regarding food now. I don’t want to consume dairy products or meat of any kind. But I feel that eggs would be a natural food source for a human and, therefore, have no problem with the consumption of eggs.

·         Exercise – I want to start going on runs every day and doing yoga every day, as well as begin to go to the gym and do weight training and yoga classes four times a week. 

·         Act like the person you want to be – I have a theory that you can start acting like the person you want to be, and overtime you will find that you are that person.

·         Sleep and Wake Up – go to sleep by 10 and wake up by 7, preferably 6.

·         Cleanliness. Be Organized – I want to be a very clean and organized person. Zen, simplicity.

·         Finish tasks – I have a very bad follow through. And so, I want to instill a finish what you start mantra.

2.       Personal Relationships

·         Be a better girlfriend

-Communicate – This is something I'm bad at. People cannot read your mind. You need to communicate in order to be understood. If something bothers you, say so, if you like something, say so.

-fight right – Don’t lash out, stay calm and consider the other point of view.

-don’t nag – I dont think I nag. Im not a nagger. But this one was in the book and I sort of liked it. I am not a fan of passive aggressive anger. And I feel that adults are able to make their own decisions, don’t nag.

-don’t take for granted – It is easy to forget all the little wonderful things that a person does for you and dwell on the things that they don’t. Don’t take someone for granted.

-no dumping – Don’t dump your problems on someone else.

-give proof of love - be thoughtful

-sex – We already have a great sex life. But I need to communicate more in the bedroom. I want to have a relaxed and judgeless atmosphere where we can be really open with one another about trying new things or talking about what we like or don’t like in general.

-enjoy now – Don’t fret about the past or the future. Your life is taking place now.

-don’t be embarrassed – Don’t be embarrassed in front of your man. He's seen you head bang in the car, which makes you look like your having a violent seizure. Obvioulsy he likes you for you. Be yourself and open up more.

-create happy memories – Don’t get so mad over the small stuff. If he wants to go fishing, either let him or tag along.

-lighten up – Don’t linger on the little things. It’s not the end of the world

-go on adventures – Have more adventures, get out.

-be supportive

-make more decisions – I am really bad at making decisions and I know that it annoys him. Make some more decisions, at least with the small stuff like what movie to watch.

·         Family

-give proof of love

-listen to your parents, they are wise – I have the typical problem of most children for bristling at and ignoring any paternal advice.  Your parents always have your best interest at heart, take it into consideration.

-assert yourself – Your 20, grow up.

-fight right – Don’t explode. Once again, your 20, be mature.

-be more forgiving – I have a bad habit of placing my parents into a different category when it comes to forgiveness and I give it very grudgingly. Parents are people too, get over yourself.

-make more decisions – See assert yourself

-be supportive

3.       Work

·         Move forward

-research careers – contact officials and get informed

-pick a career and go

-find a full time job

·         Start a blog – Try and post in your blog everyday or every other day.

·         Finish through – I have a bad follow through. Stay dedicated and if you start it finish it, even if you lost interest.

4.       Friends & Others

·         Acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings – people have their own thoughts and opinions, be more considerate.

·         Be nicer to people in general – even If you’re having a bad day

·         Patience – its hard but important

·         Make new friends - I am aweful at making new friends. The only friends that I have are the same ones from first grade, where if you shared a cookie with someone you were besties.

·         Stay in touch with friends – I haven’t been so good at this in the past, and I am my own enemy when I say that I’m losing my friends.

·         Remember birthdays and other important events – This shit is important

·         Show up – Don’t be such a flake. If you make plans then stick to it. And don’t overlap plans, be smart

·         Don’t gossip – It’s just not nice

·         “People are just people”

5.       Money

·         Get my own place – Get a good job and get out

·         Be frugal – Stop spending so damn much. I used to be super good antsaving money but lately not so much. Keep your money in mind and catalogue it.

·         Indulge modestly once a month

·         Buy only needful/useful things – you have enough clothes

·         Give something up – stop going through drive-thrus, those coffees are incredibly expensive and bad for you anyway.

·         Keep focused –keep a money journal of your daily expenses.

6.       Passion

·         Pursue your passions

·         Be passionate about your own life – you only get one. Enjoy it.

·         Enjoy now, live in the moment

·         Art – lately I have not been working on any art. Start a new project and enter contests, art hops, and other events.

·         Yoga – Work on getting your RYT

·         Running – I used to not be able to go more than a day without a run. I have become to sedentary, people are ment to move,  get into running.

·         Biking – Bike more, drive less, save money

·         Try photography

·         Cook more

-learn recipes

-make a cookbook

7.       Be Me

·         Don’t be embarrassed about being yourself – You are who you are. So let your freak flag fly

·         Don’t be shy – talk to people. when I get nervous I simply have nothing to say. So instead I giggle awkwardly at everything. someone: "Oh hey Angie did you say that you used to ride horses?" angie: "heeheehee... uh, yeah. haha... ahhh."

·         Don’t be afraid – People are just people. If they don’t like you so what?

·         Don’t aim to impress – just be you

·         Laugh at yourself – If you make an ass out of yourself, well that’s pretty funny.

·         Be yourself

·         Evaluate the root of your feelings not the feeling itself

8.       Play

·         Get involved – Join some clubs. The local mountain biking club, an art club, a cooking club?

·         Get crafty – Get into making crafts, gifts, nik nacs

·         Be more fun = have more fun

·         Laugh out loud

9.       Attitude

·         Don’t judge – It’s not fair. Get to know people.

·         Don’t be selfish – You’re not the only one who wants things to go your way. It won’t always happen that way. grow up.

·         Be tolerant – People can be assholes, so can you.

·         Lighten up – Don’t take everything so seriously

·         Be helpful – It’s the nice thing to do

·         Embrace failure – Failure is a learning experience, so take the lesson.

·         Ask for help – Everybody needs it, you’re no exception.

·         Good is in everything – Every moment or interaction has a good side to it, find it and learn from it

·         Take time for projects

·         Be generous – help out, be a good friend.

·         Forget about results – Sometimes it’s not the destination it’s the journey

·         Use good manners – Please and thank you

·         Be positive – I find that I have a tendency to be a very negative person. It’s really pointless to see the worst in every situation.

10.   Adventure

·         Be adventurous

·         Travel – you don’t have to go far to see new and beautiful places.

·         Create happy memories – Go on adventures with a light happy heart, things will go wrong, make them exciting.

·         Be spontaneous

·         Go off the path

·         Open your mind in new ways – Try new things, learn an instrument, learn a martial art, start a garden

·         Skydive - totally awesome

·         Take pictures – I never take enough pictures.

11.   Mindfulness

·         Read more – read more and a wide variety.

·         Keep a gratitude notebook – people are nice to you. Don’t forget it.

·         Learn about religions - maybe you’ll find one of your own?

·         Learn about politics – it really is important to know.

·         Meditate

·         Keep a food diary – what you eat everyday

·         Make an area of refuge

·         Adopt a yogic viewpoint

12.   Happiness Continued

·         ALL OF THE ABOVE

So twelve months of self improvment? Im totally stoked.

Cats in the Cradle

Shit.
Today marks the second day I almost killed my boyfriend's cat. I was in Utah for that wedding the 1st through the 5th of the month and my boyfriend was going out of town the 4th through the 11th. Before I left he asked me to check in on his cats, feed them and give them water and such. I like cats, they are low maintence animals. I like that they are successful survivalists even more. So I said sure, thinking taking on this small task might make me seem more responsible, I've been working on that. Needless to say I completly forgot about it the day after he told me. To give me a little credit he asked me before I even left and then didnt bring it up again until today. He called me while I was washing my car this afternoon and nonchalauntly mentions "Oh, hey, you've been checking on the cats right?"
You know those moments when your stomach sort of gets really hot and drops making you really nautious? At times when you, say, get caught in a lie, or perhaps back a truck into a complete strangers fence, another thing I managed to accomplish this week. I exhaled loudly "pft, yeah. I... I totally checked on them... a couple times." He says something like "ok, good" and starts talking about fireflies, or waterparks or something. I have no idea what he was saying because I was busy mentally beating myself and fumbling for my car keys while trying to pretend I was listening to him. "Love you, talk to you later." I tossed my phone somewhere on the passengar side "shitshitshitshitshit, shiiiiiit." I started running calculations in my head. If they left on Saturday and today is Wednesday thats five days. But they probably fed them on Saturday so thats only four days. If they were going on a trip maybe they would put extra food in the bowl? So, extra food gives me two days which makes it only three days since they've eaten. How long is it again that you can survive off of just water?... Do they have water? shitshitshitshit. The drive actually went by really quickly. I sped into a halfhazzard diagonal park job and took quick stiff steps to the door "kitty kitty kitty?" Shit, locked door. I remember something about the barbeque and start rummaging around in the drawers until I find a key. Inside the house is cool and quiet. I grab a cup of cat food and start running around the house shaking the container and calling "kitty kitty kitty" like some sort of psych ward escap'e. The cat appears, streching from a nap, and seems only mildly interest in food. I love cats. I also love that my boyfriend doesnt know about this blog.

The Happiness Project

I was at the Sacramento airport on my way to Utah for a friend's wedding. I had gotten there about two hours early and decided to buy a book. Recently I havent been reading much. In high school I read books obsessivly. Mostly books about supernatural heroines who possessed qualities that I did not and, therfore, I admired them. I ended up buying "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer, a "Cosmo", a "Runners World", a pad of paper and, on a whim, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. As a rule I have strictly avoided self-help books. Why, I honestly dont know. I really do like delving into ways to make life better. I plott sytematically how to make my life more fullfilling. I make extensive lists, charts and descriptions of said lists and charts. But when it comes to actually acting out these lofty goals? I lose steam, I seem to falter and then wither like some sort of seasonal plant. I then quickly trash the papers of all my carefully researched and organized plans, their presence making me guilty. Maybe my avoidence of self-help novels is due to the uncomfortable moment of purchase, similar to that of racy sexy/romance/action books, of which I am guilty of buying. I admit I'm a fan of Laurel K. Hamilton. So when I did see "The Happiness Project" I almost didnt get it. There were a combination of factors though that made me reconsider.(1) I was going to the wedding of my best friend, which is in a way a funeral for a friend. Never again would we lounge on my prickly carpet in the summer hear, indulging in exotically named ice creams and talking about sex and boys and gossip shamelessly, or shamefully, depending. Everything would be different, maybe not worse, but completly different. (2) I was away from my boyfriend for an extended time for the first time, maybe pathetic, but I felt lonely. (3) There was a limited selection of books offered at the airport. (4) The front of the book was pretty funny, it read "The Happiness Project. Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun" (5) Lastly, I was going to have hours and hours of waiting on the trip there and back.
On the trip to Utah and while I was there I read "Into the Wild" and titillating articles from "Cosmo" such as "78 Ways To Turn Him On." How Cosmo consitently comes up with 'new' lists of '70 Things that His Ex Never Did' I dont know. It has to be mostly repeats.
But suddenly, unexpectedly, on the day of the wedding I started feeling hollow. By the time of the reception I was depressed. I watched my friend and her new husband smiling and glowing under a white flowered archway hugging geusts, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, throwing back their heads and laughing to the heavens. I tried to rally, plastered on a smile and shuffled over to the couple ready to have a moment of more significance with them then they were having with their current geusts. I thought about things to say as I navigated through a group of people. Things like "I love you guys, my two best friends." emphasising the two. They might get teary eyed and give me a group hug. When I got to my friend's side I gave her a stilted somehow badly timed smile and stumbled into a 'I'm so happy for you' when she cut me off with an excited wave at the door "Oh my gosh! Hi!" Later on I watched them drive away into wedded bliss and retreated into the room I was staying in. I went into the bathroom, undressed and looked at my sad face in the mirror. Just as I was getting ready to make the decision to cry my phone rang, my boyfriend. He gave me the advice "Well, ya know that this is just gonna keep happening, your other friends are going to get married too." it actually was helpful, not very comforting, but helpful. Being so meladramtic was pretty self indulgent anyway. The next day I got on my plane back home and caught sight of "The Happiness Project" in my bag. And that is how I started my own Happiness Project.