Get Happy

So this Happiness Project that I have decided to do seems to be working. Its interesting since its almost like Im not necessarily doing things drastical different, Im simply more aware of what Im doing and what I want to be doing. On of my goals is to "act like the person you want to be" Ive decided that I will officially start this Happiness Experience the first of July, since I only started planning after the begining of the month and I want to have a month to concentrate on each thing. I borrowed a lot of the the ideas Gretchen already had done herself in "The Happiness Project" but they are different for each person so I dont feel like a copy-cat... well a little bit. I'll past the definition version of my list.

Happiness Project

1.       Energy

·         Healthy Eating – I was a vegan for a long time and recently have not been following these morals and values the way that I would like to. Also, I have some different views regarding food now. I don’t want to consume dairy products or meat of any kind. But I feel that eggs would be a natural food source for a human and, therefore, have no problem with the consumption of eggs.

·         Exercise – I want to start going on runs every day and doing yoga every day, as well as begin to go to the gym and do weight training and yoga classes four times a week. 

·         Act like the person you want to be – I have a theory that you can start acting like the person you want to be, and overtime you will find that you are that person.

·         Sleep and Wake Up – go to sleep by 10 and wake up by 7, preferably 6.

·         Cleanliness. Be Organized – I want to be a very clean and organized person. Zen, simplicity.

·         Finish tasks – I have a very bad follow through. And so, I want to instill a finish what you start mantra.

2.       Personal Relationships

·         Be a better girlfriend

-Communicate – This is something I'm bad at. People cannot read your mind. You need to communicate in order to be understood. If something bothers you, say so, if you like something, say so.

-fight right – Don’t lash out, stay calm and consider the other point of view.

-don’t nag – I dont think I nag. Im not a nagger. But this one was in the book and I sort of liked it. I am not a fan of passive aggressive anger. And I feel that adults are able to make their own decisions, don’t nag.

-don’t take for granted – It is easy to forget all the little wonderful things that a person does for you and dwell on the things that they don’t. Don’t take someone for granted.

-no dumping – Don’t dump your problems on someone else.

-give proof of love - be thoughtful

-sex – We already have a great sex life. But I need to communicate more in the bedroom. I want to have a relaxed and judgeless atmosphere where we can be really open with one another about trying new things or talking about what we like or don’t like in general.

-enjoy now – Don’t fret about the past or the future. Your life is taking place now.

-don’t be embarrassed – Don’t be embarrassed in front of your man. He's seen you head bang in the car, which makes you look like your having a violent seizure. Obvioulsy he likes you for you. Be yourself and open up more.

-create happy memories – Don’t get so mad over the small stuff. If he wants to go fishing, either let him or tag along.

-lighten up – Don’t linger on the little things. It’s not the end of the world

-go on adventures – Have more adventures, get out.

-be supportive

-make more decisions – I am really bad at making decisions and I know that it annoys him. Make some more decisions, at least with the small stuff like what movie to watch.

·         Family

-give proof of love

-listen to your parents, they are wise – I have the typical problem of most children for bristling at and ignoring any paternal advice.  Your parents always have your best interest at heart, take it into consideration.

-assert yourself – Your 20, grow up.

-fight right – Don’t explode. Once again, your 20, be mature.

-be more forgiving – I have a bad habit of placing my parents into a different category when it comes to forgiveness and I give it very grudgingly. Parents are people too, get over yourself.

-make more decisions – See assert yourself

-be supportive

3.       Work

·         Move forward

-research careers – contact officials and get informed

-pick a career and go

-find a full time job

·         Start a blog – Try and post in your blog everyday or every other day.

·         Finish through – I have a bad follow through. Stay dedicated and if you start it finish it, even if you lost interest.

4.       Friends & Others

·         Acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings – people have their own thoughts and opinions, be more considerate.

·         Be nicer to people in general – even If you’re having a bad day

·         Patience – its hard but important

·         Make new friends - I am aweful at making new friends. The only friends that I have are the same ones from first grade, where if you shared a cookie with someone you were besties.

·         Stay in touch with friends – I haven’t been so good at this in the past, and I am my own enemy when I say that I’m losing my friends.

·         Remember birthdays and other important events – This shit is important

·         Show up – Don’t be such a flake. If you make plans then stick to it. And don’t overlap plans, be smart

·         Don’t gossip – It’s just not nice

·         “People are just people”

5.       Money

·         Get my own place – Get a good job and get out

·         Be frugal – Stop spending so damn much. I used to be super good antsaving money but lately not so much. Keep your money in mind and catalogue it.

·         Indulge modestly once a month

·         Buy only needful/useful things – you have enough clothes

·         Give something up – stop going through drive-thrus, those coffees are incredibly expensive and bad for you anyway.

·         Keep focused –keep a money journal of your daily expenses.

6.       Passion

·         Pursue your passions

·         Be passionate about your own life – you only get one. Enjoy it.

·         Enjoy now, live in the moment

·         Art – lately I have not been working on any art. Start a new project and enter contests, art hops, and other events.

·         Yoga – Work on getting your RYT

·         Running – I used to not be able to go more than a day without a run. I have become to sedentary, people are ment to move,  get into running.

·         Biking – Bike more, drive less, save money

·         Try photography

·         Cook more

-learn recipes

-make a cookbook

7.       Be Me

·         Don’t be embarrassed about being yourself – You are who you are. So let your freak flag fly

·         Don’t be shy – talk to people. when I get nervous I simply have nothing to say. So instead I giggle awkwardly at everything. someone: "Oh hey Angie did you say that you used to ride horses?" angie: "heeheehee... uh, yeah. haha... ahhh."

·         Don’t be afraid – People are just people. If they don’t like you so what?

·         Don’t aim to impress – just be you

·         Laugh at yourself – If you make an ass out of yourself, well that’s pretty funny.

·         Be yourself

·         Evaluate the root of your feelings not the feeling itself

8.       Play

·         Get involved – Join some clubs. The local mountain biking club, an art club, a cooking club?

·         Get crafty – Get into making crafts, gifts, nik nacs

·         Be more fun = have more fun

·         Laugh out loud

9.       Attitude

·         Don’t judge – It’s not fair. Get to know people.

·         Don’t be selfish – You’re not the only one who wants things to go your way. It won’t always happen that way. grow up.

·         Be tolerant – People can be assholes, so can you.

·         Lighten up – Don’t take everything so seriously

·         Be helpful – It’s the nice thing to do

·         Embrace failure – Failure is a learning experience, so take the lesson.

·         Ask for help – Everybody needs it, you’re no exception.

·         Good is in everything – Every moment or interaction has a good side to it, find it and learn from it

·         Take time for projects

·         Be generous – help out, be a good friend.

·         Forget about results – Sometimes it’s not the destination it’s the journey

·         Use good manners – Please and thank you

·         Be positive – I find that I have a tendency to be a very negative person. It’s really pointless to see the worst in every situation.

10.   Adventure

·         Be adventurous

·         Travel – you don’t have to go far to see new and beautiful places.

·         Create happy memories – Go on adventures with a light happy heart, things will go wrong, make them exciting.

·         Be spontaneous

·         Go off the path

·         Open your mind in new ways – Try new things, learn an instrument, learn a martial art, start a garden

·         Skydive - totally awesome

·         Take pictures – I never take enough pictures.

11.   Mindfulness

·         Read more – read more and a wide variety.

·         Keep a gratitude notebook – people are nice to you. Don’t forget it.

·         Learn about religions - maybe you’ll find one of your own?

·         Learn about politics – it really is important to know.

·         Meditate

·         Keep a food diary – what you eat everyday

·         Make an area of refuge

·         Adopt a yogic viewpoint

12.   Happiness Continued

·         ALL OF THE ABOVE

So twelve months of self improvment? Im totally stoked.

Cats in the Cradle

Shit.
Today marks the second day I almost killed my boyfriend's cat. I was in Utah for that wedding the 1st through the 5th of the month and my boyfriend was going out of town the 4th through the 11th. Before I left he asked me to check in on his cats, feed them and give them water and such. I like cats, they are low maintence animals. I like that they are successful survivalists even more. So I said sure, thinking taking on this small task might make me seem more responsible, I've been working on that. Needless to say I completly forgot about it the day after he told me. To give me a little credit he asked me before I even left and then didnt bring it up again until today. He called me while I was washing my car this afternoon and nonchalauntly mentions "Oh, hey, you've been checking on the cats right?"
You know those moments when your stomach sort of gets really hot and drops making you really nautious? At times when you, say, get caught in a lie, or perhaps back a truck into a complete strangers fence, another thing I managed to accomplish this week. I exhaled loudly "pft, yeah. I... I totally checked on them... a couple times." He says something like "ok, good" and starts talking about fireflies, or waterparks or something. I have no idea what he was saying because I was busy mentally beating myself and fumbling for my car keys while trying to pretend I was listening to him. "Love you, talk to you later." I tossed my phone somewhere on the passengar side "shitshitshitshitshit, shiiiiiit." I started running calculations in my head. If they left on Saturday and today is Wednesday thats five days. But they probably fed them on Saturday so thats only four days. If they were going on a trip maybe they would put extra food in the bowl? So, extra food gives me two days which makes it only three days since they've eaten. How long is it again that you can survive off of just water?... Do they have water? shitshitshitshit. The drive actually went by really quickly. I sped into a halfhazzard diagonal park job and took quick stiff steps to the door "kitty kitty kitty?" Shit, locked door. I remember something about the barbeque and start rummaging around in the drawers until I find a key. Inside the house is cool and quiet. I grab a cup of cat food and start running around the house shaking the container and calling "kitty kitty kitty" like some sort of psych ward escap'e. The cat appears, streching from a nap, and seems only mildly interest in food. I love cats. I also love that my boyfriend doesnt know about this blog.

The Happiness Project

I was at the Sacramento airport on my way to Utah for a friend's wedding. I had gotten there about two hours early and decided to buy a book. Recently I havent been reading much. In high school I read books obsessivly. Mostly books about supernatural heroines who possessed qualities that I did not and, therfore, I admired them. I ended up buying "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer, a "Cosmo", a "Runners World", a pad of paper and, on a whim, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. As a rule I have strictly avoided self-help books. Why, I honestly dont know. I really do like delving into ways to make life better. I plott sytematically how to make my life more fullfilling. I make extensive lists, charts and descriptions of said lists and charts. But when it comes to actually acting out these lofty goals? I lose steam, I seem to falter and then wither like some sort of seasonal plant. I then quickly trash the papers of all my carefully researched and organized plans, their presence making me guilty. Maybe my avoidence of self-help novels is due to the uncomfortable moment of purchase, similar to that of racy sexy/romance/action books, of which I am guilty of buying. I admit I'm a fan of Laurel K. Hamilton. So when I did see "The Happiness Project" I almost didnt get it. There were a combination of factors though that made me reconsider.(1) I was going to the wedding of my best friend, which is in a way a funeral for a friend. Never again would we lounge on my prickly carpet in the summer hear, indulging in exotically named ice creams and talking about sex and boys and gossip shamelessly, or shamefully, depending. Everything would be different, maybe not worse, but completly different. (2) I was away from my boyfriend for an extended time for the first time, maybe pathetic, but I felt lonely. (3) There was a limited selection of books offered at the airport. (4) The front of the book was pretty funny, it read "The Happiness Project. Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun" (5) Lastly, I was going to have hours and hours of waiting on the trip there and back.
On the trip to Utah and while I was there I read "Into the Wild" and titillating articles from "Cosmo" such as "78 Ways To Turn Him On." How Cosmo consitently comes up with 'new' lists of '70 Things that His Ex Never Did' I dont know. It has to be mostly repeats.
But suddenly, unexpectedly, on the day of the wedding I started feeling hollow. By the time of the reception I was depressed. I watched my friend and her new husband smiling and glowing under a white flowered archway hugging geusts, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, throwing back their heads and laughing to the heavens. I tried to rally, plastered on a smile and shuffled over to the couple ready to have a moment of more significance with them then they were having with their current geusts. I thought about things to say as I navigated through a group of people. Things like "I love you guys, my two best friends." emphasising the two. They might get teary eyed and give me a group hug. When I got to my friend's side I gave her a stilted somehow badly timed smile and stumbled into a 'I'm so happy for you' when she cut me off with an excited wave at the door "Oh my gosh! Hi!" Later on I watched them drive away into wedded bliss and retreated into the room I was staying in. I went into the bathroom, undressed and looked at my sad face in the mirror. Just as I was getting ready to make the decision to cry my phone rang, my boyfriend. He gave me the advice "Well, ya know that this is just gonna keep happening, your other friends are going to get married too." it actually was helpful, not very comforting, but helpful. Being so meladramtic was pretty self indulgent anyway. The next day I got on my plane back home and caught sight of "The Happiness Project" in my bag. And that is how I started my own Happiness Project.