The Happiness Project

I was at the Sacramento airport on my way to Utah for a friend's wedding. I had gotten there about two hours early and decided to buy a book. Recently I havent been reading much. In high school I read books obsessivly. Mostly books about supernatural heroines who possessed qualities that I did not and, therfore, I admired them. I ended up buying "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer, a "Cosmo", a "Runners World", a pad of paper and, on a whim, "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. As a rule I have strictly avoided self-help books. Why, I honestly dont know. I really do like delving into ways to make life better. I plott sytematically how to make my life more fullfilling. I make extensive lists, charts and descriptions of said lists and charts. But when it comes to actually acting out these lofty goals? I lose steam, I seem to falter and then wither like some sort of seasonal plant. I then quickly trash the papers of all my carefully researched and organized plans, their presence making me guilty. Maybe my avoidence of self-help novels is due to the uncomfortable moment of purchase, similar to that of racy sexy/romance/action books, of which I am guilty of buying. I admit I'm a fan of Laurel K. Hamilton. So when I did see "The Happiness Project" I almost didnt get it. There were a combination of factors though that made me reconsider.(1) I was going to the wedding of my best friend, which is in a way a funeral for a friend. Never again would we lounge on my prickly carpet in the summer hear, indulging in exotically named ice creams and talking about sex and boys and gossip shamelessly, or shamefully, depending. Everything would be different, maybe not worse, but completly different. (2) I was away from my boyfriend for an extended time for the first time, maybe pathetic, but I felt lonely. (3) There was a limited selection of books offered at the airport. (4) The front of the book was pretty funny, it read "The Happiness Project. Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun" (5) Lastly, I was going to have hours and hours of waiting on the trip there and back.
On the trip to Utah and while I was there I read "Into the Wild" and titillating articles from "Cosmo" such as "78 Ways To Turn Him On." How Cosmo consitently comes up with 'new' lists of '70 Things that His Ex Never Did' I dont know. It has to be mostly repeats.
But suddenly, unexpectedly, on the day of the wedding I started feeling hollow. By the time of the reception I was depressed. I watched my friend and her new husband smiling and glowing under a white flowered archway hugging geusts, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, throwing back their heads and laughing to the heavens. I tried to rally, plastered on a smile and shuffled over to the couple ready to have a moment of more significance with them then they were having with their current geusts. I thought about things to say as I navigated through a group of people. Things like "I love you guys, my two best friends." emphasising the two. They might get teary eyed and give me a group hug. When I got to my friend's side I gave her a stilted somehow badly timed smile and stumbled into a 'I'm so happy for you' when she cut me off with an excited wave at the door "Oh my gosh! Hi!" Later on I watched them drive away into wedded bliss and retreated into the room I was staying in. I went into the bathroom, undressed and looked at my sad face in the mirror. Just as I was getting ready to make the decision to cry my phone rang, my boyfriend. He gave me the advice "Well, ya know that this is just gonna keep happening, your other friends are going to get married too." it actually was helpful, not very comforting, but helpful. Being so meladramtic was pretty self indulgent anyway. The next day I got on my plane back home and caught sight of "The Happiness Project" in my bag. And that is how I started my own Happiness Project.